Friday, June 6, 2014

Hungry Girl

Image thanks to HotelMonacoMuenchen at

As I am writing this, I really want to get an ice cream sundae. I feel hungry. And I want ice cream. Unfortunately I’ve used up my calories for the day. Not that a sundae is the best option when you are hungry and trying to lose weight.

Why is it so hard to lose weight? Probably because it takes 5 minutes to down 800 calories and an hour of intense cardio to counter act that one decision. So what is a hungry girl who wants to be a skinny girl to do?

That question has weighed on me my whole life. There are boundless tips and tricks: eat more vegetables, enjoy healthy fat to sustain satiety, drink more water etc. My eating patterns have drastically transformed but my weight remains unchanged. I will acknowledge that I probably have a slightly healthier body fat ratio than previous years thanks to consistent exercise. But in general I am the same size. Ugh. Frustrating.

My habits have enjoyed an upgrade but that does not mean they are perfect. In fact, they are from it. Too far to lose weight. I am not complaining about my personal metabolism or pretending that I strictly follow a regimen that logically should result in weight loss.  I know it is not the particular diet that is the problem. I am exasperated with myself and my turtle-like pace of change. It is so tempting to compare myself to someone who can just resolve to eat X calories a day and perform Y exercises each day and then actually to it to a T.

Sometimes I want to give up. I have before and I inevitably start gaining weight. And the diet cycle returns. Yuck. Regardless of which spot on the diet circle I am at, how can I permanently give up on my health? Even if I’m not thinning out, shouldn’t I still care about my body’s nutritional needs? Absolutely.

I do not feel it, but I will choose to have faith that a deeper break-through will come. I remember feeling this same way about depression but grace came through and pulled me out. I am not referring to the times I felt wildly distraught, and those times definitely happened, but rather those seasons where an unshakeable cloud hung over me. I would try reading books or deep breathing or go outside, but those actions were only mildly helpful. Nothing changed in a major way. But I kept going, kept seeking positivism. Eventually, I started to feel the peace that transcends all understanding (see Philippians 4:4-7 in the bible) in a real way. This peace came when I accepted and started to love my imperfect self. It came when I stopped judging myself and instead moved through things with gentle thoughts. Perhaps it is time for me to extend that same grace to myself in nutrition.

Can anyone relate to this? 

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