Friday, May 2, 2014

Blog Inspiration

My life is being revolutionized now that the concept of grace is starting resonate. I no longer need to fear. However, about a year and a half ago I thought I was trapped. I felt hopeless, helpless and afraid.

Work was stressful. A subordinate screamed and cussed at me, in my own office. However, my issues went beyond that. In fact, I now see how God used this incident to be the trigger that inspired me to transcend my childhood ways of coping. I didn’t want to endure the negative anxiety-laced reels that played in my head any longer. At last I was at a breaking point.

I am blessed with a loving husband and wonderful family and they were present at this time. However, often untrained people can only offer to salve symptoms or distract you from the havoc of depression and anxiety. Those bullies plagued me all my life and I was always at their mercy. I thought I was destined for a life of pill popping and lost seasons of life whenever they came to prowl my mind. Similar to Reliant K’s sentiments in the song “Forward Motion”, I was frustrated with my lack of progress. Fortunately, God used that breaking point to embolden me to commit to professional counseling until I could rise above the toxic thoughts in my head.

I have great insurance, but just the co-pay led my money conscious nature to hope to “finish quickly.” At first I felt guilt for taking the money and the time to work through my processing patterns. Nevertheless, eventually I settled into the weekly pattern and now I could not imagine where I would be had I not chosen to take that step. It has been an arduous process, but there has been a shift in my mindset and my soul. I know life includes pain. There will be times when the suffocating smoke of depression and anxiety threaten me. But now I have the tools to learn from my discomfort. At last I comprehend what it means to be grateful for the pain. I love the growth more than I hate the pain. These movements are eternally significant and freeing. I will continue, now and always, to seek further movements in all areas of my life. Whether through a heartfelt post or a list of tips & tricks, my prayer is that God will bless me with the opportunity to help others get unstuck and experience Liberating Grace. 

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